What men get wrong about performance anxiety
Performance anxiety is one of the most delicate and painful things for a man to face.
It can start small. A single night where things do not work the way you want them to. A moment where you finish too quickly, or not at all. And then the thoughts begin circling. Maybe something is wrong with your body. Maybe you are not enough. Those thoughts do not leave quietly. One or two experiences can spiral into weeks or months of tension and dread every time intimacy is near.
Most men reach for quick solutions. Pills, supplements, therapies, hypnosis, devices, or even withdrawing from intimacy altogether. They chase a fix for the symptom. And every time it does not work, the sense that something is broken grows louder.
What I have seen over and over is that the root of performance issues is rarely just physical. Yes, there can be physical factors. But it is also emotional, energetic, and deeply connected to how a man relates to himself, his body, and his partner. Often, when those deeper layers are met first, the physical follows without force.
I spoke recently with a man who put words to something I hear often.
He said, “When I expect sex to happen, no matter what I do, no matter how much I try to get myself there through fantasy or touch, I cannot stay hard. When I do not expect it, everything flows.”
That tension, that expectation, is what shuts down the body. The harder a man tries to force his body into performing, the more the nervous system clamps down. The more fear builds in the background, even if he does not say it out loud.
The shift begins when you can stop fighting what is happening in the moment. When you can take a breath and feel what is present, even if it is not what you wanted. When you can redirect your attention from the story in your head to what is actually here. The sensations in your own body. The feeling of her gentle touch. Her warm breath on your skin. The sound of her voice. When you can slow down enough to let your body catch up to your mind, something starts to change.
This is the work I have been guiding men through for the past seven years. It is not about tricks or quick fixes. It is about unlearning the pressure that keeps your body locked, meeting what is underneath, and learning to trust yourself again.
For the rest of this summer, I am offering a final round of 1:1 coaching in this way. After August 31, this part of my work will be closing as my coaching shifts into a new chapter.
Until then, my private coaching is available at a closing rate:
A single 90-minute breakthrough session for $250 (normally $300)
A 3-session series for $750 (normally $1,000)
A 6-month deep dive for $3,000 (normally $4,000)
If this is something that speaks to you, you can find the details and book your session below
With devotion,
Iryna