Why emotional maturity matters in s/x
What does emotional maturity mean? And what does it have to do with s/x and lasting longer?
Emotional maturity is the foundation of most things we do in life and how we relate to our emotions, which affects our entire life through the daily choices we make and actions.
Emotions are not scary if we allow ourselves to be present to them and treat them as pure sensations in the body.
Guilt, shame, sadness, anger, fear, or disgust we experience during s/x or self-pleasure will lock our body, shut it down, and impede the experience of aliveness and flow of s/xual energy if these emotions are not felt through. We are reaching for ecstasy we hope to get on the other side, but it will never arrive if we bypass the discomfort of being with those emotions we are so scared to feel.
How to feel through them? Simply be present to them and connect to these states as sensations. It certainly might be overwhelming and intense, but if we allow ourselves to go slowly, being an observer of those states and connecting to them as not them but the experiencer of those states, bringing compassion and acceptance, it will be easier with each time we do this.
In our society, we tend to cling to "good" emotions like joy, love, happiness, ecstasy; and ignore "bad" emotions like anger, rage, shame, guilt. We tend to repress and judge these uncomfortable emotions. In Tantric teachings, there is no separation between good or bad emotions. All the states are valid, have the right to exist, be felt through, and transformed into fuel, into potent energy.
When you have deep, connected s/x it is simply impossible not to tap into the entire range of emotions. Because your body desires to move you to ecstasy and it will push you through crygasms, angergasms, and all sorts of contractions. If you resist those, thinking that your sexual experience must only be positive (like in a porn0 movie), choking up inside, you will never reach bliss.
I invite you to step into an emotional maturity journey starting now:
Allow unconscious emotions to arise to the conscious
Create acceptance in the body towards them
Hold your emotion and make a choice that is not dictated by the emotion
Create your own relationship to your emotions and how you want to relate to them
In one of my coaching sessions, a client tapped into his anger. I taught him how to do an anger release practice. It was very foreign for him. But he trusted me and the process. He put on a piece of music that helped him to let that anger out. He screamed, stomped, bit the pillow. After he was done, he felt so much calm and peace.
Anger can be your potent fuel and can be used to let your beast out in the bedroom. If you are afraid of it, she will never feel that beast in you. If you let it out in a designated space safely by yourself or with someone like myself, you will get this really important piece of yourself freed up in you, that we women want you to use in the bedroom, your ravaging wild animal.
We want him. We just want you to be unleashing him consciously.
I am keeping this work open through August 31 before my coaching shifts into a new chapter. If this is something you feel drawn to explore, my 1:1 sessions are available now, whether you want to start with a single 90-minute session, a 3-session series, or a deeper 6-month journey.
With devotion,
Iryna