When discomfort leads to breakthrough

I just got off what I like to call a "crisis call" with a client.

He had messaged me saying, “I no longer want to work with you. You’ve helped me a lot. It’s been a tremendous journey. Thank you so much, but I don’t think this is for me.”

We’ve only done 3 out of our 12 sessions together, so I immediately picked up the phone to check in. Thankfully, everything between us is well — but what unfolded was powerful.

He had been working on a conscious self-pleasure practice I assigned him: a heart-centered practice using coconut oil, paired with one of my recordings, designed to nurture and reconnect him to himself. (These kinds of practices are so transformative for men.)

During the practice, he felt a wave of discomfort — he described it as “dread.” Afterward, he became emotional and cried. And because I was the creator of the practice and he wanted those feelings to stop, his mind associated the discomfort with me, and that’s why he initially wanted to end our work together.

On the call, I reassured him: Discomfort is normal. Shame surfacing is normal. Feeling sadness is normal. Especially when you've spent a lifetime believing pleasure is only acceptable within certain conditions.

This client is an older gentleman who holds deeply ingrained values about intimacy — that it must only happen within marriage. His wife passed away, and now, opening to connection again brings up an enormous well of emotion he hadn’t touched in years.

When shame lives unspoken, it blocks our capacity for deeper aliveness.

But when we let ourselves feel — even if it’s uncomfortable — we begin to reclaim that aliveness. And I’m so proud of him.
 

It takes immense courage to name your feelings, to be honest, to allow the sadness to rise. Many men stay numb their whole lives instead of facing what’s true.

If you’re on a similar path... if you’re dating again after loss... or facing discomfort, uncertainty, or big questions about intimacy...

I have something coming very soon for you.

Stay tuned — I’ll be sharing more shortly.

And as always, if you need support in the meantime, my door is open. Schedule a free 30-min intro session with me here: 

SCHEDULE FREE 30 MIN CONSULTATION

And also stay tuned for something exciting I am launching this week for you all! 

Much love and gratitude,

Iryna