Boundaries don’t block intimacy - they build it.

Boundaries get a bad rap in dating.
 

They’re often seen as walls. Ultimatums. Things we say to keep people out. But boundaries—when they’re rooted in self-respect—aren’t about keeping people away. They’re about letting the right people in, in a way that feels honest, safe, and sustainable.

A boundary says: “This is what I need to stay connected to myself while I connect with you.” “This is the pace that honors my nervous system.” “This is the space where I feel safe enough to open.”

Boundaries are how you create conditions for intimacy. They’re not about control. They’re about clarity. They make it easier for someone to meet you—because you’re telling them how.

And yet, so many people struggle to hold them.
We soften them too soon because we’re afraid of being too much. We override them when we’re scared of losing the connection. We avoid them altogether because we don’t want to rock the boat.

But abandoning your boundaries to keep someone in your life doesn’t build connection. It builds resentment. It builds confusion. It teaches your body that it’s not safe to speak your truth.

And what’s even harder? Sometimes you don’t realize you’ve abandoned yourself until later—when you feel exhausted, frustrated, or like you betrayed your own needs. The deeper work here isn’t just about what boundaries you set. It’s about how you hold them. From clarity. Not defensiveness. From groundedness. Not guilt.

Because when your boundaries come from grace, they become magnetic. They become an invitation. They say: “If you want to know me, this is how.”

And the people who are meant for you? They’ll lean in. Not because they’re perfect—but because they’re willing.

We’ll talk more about how to recognize and hold your boundaries soon.

But for now, just notice:

Where are you holding boundaries clearly?
Where are you softening them out of fear?
And what would it feel like to say what you actually mean—without needing to explain, justify, or apologize?

We’re going deeper into this.

And as you know, I’m launching something in May that will give you real support around it.

Much love and gratitude,

Iryna