What women actually want men to reclaim
I have something to share that I thought was important, especially in conjunction with the 30-day conscious dating challenge that we’re starting in June! (You can sign up here!)
I have a client that I’ve been working with for a while. His challenge has been in accepting and fully claiming his sexual power. He feels that there is something wrong with him to lustfully desire a woman. (His father left a reprint on him, by abusing this power and expressing it from a toxic lens).
This man has done a lot of healing work around this. And he is capable of identifying in the moment from what place he is showing up when on a date. He notices that when he shows up from a place of lust and “extraction” of feminine energy, women never text back. And he also notices that when he is in his heart, and has an intention for genuine connection with his date, the dynamic feels different.
My take on this is that when he is connecting from extractive impulse (being needy, taking and grasping) women feel the toxicity, while simultaneously feel how he himself is not owning this part of himself. So it’s almost like a double turn off.
Lust, desire, and the wanting to ravish is never wrong, if it’s owned for what it is. And it can seem extractive to women also if a man’s heart is not there — if he doesn’t pour back with his love, attention, care and protection — toward a woman.
Having an alignment between a man’s sexual desire that can be wild, and powerful, and his heart, love, compassion, and care is key.
It is hard to notice this in the moment when you’re on a date. Especially, if you are a man who knows this to be the pattern. It’s a matter of practicing this daily, even in an intentional self-pleasure practice. When a man is pleasuring himself and notices a dependency on a fantasy or image, the goal here is to drop the image or fantasy and just go fully into the felt sense of the arousal. To feel the appreciation for this energy, this aliveness that is fully his, allowing for the connection between s/x center and the heart.
If a man does not own his sexual power, yet he is secretly leaking this sexual energy (watching porn, having manipulative advances etc.), it feels extractive and predatory to us women. And in our society men, for sure, never want to be seen that way. So they hide it, play small, cut their power off. “I’m not that guy, I’m a nice guy. I don’t want to be seen by women that way.”
But the hiding and playing small is what feels inauthentic and unsafe for women either.
From my experience as a woman, a man who feels safe, non-predatory, non-toxic, and authentic is a man who is in full approval of his desire and sexual power. Both the dark and the light sides of it. And he also lives from his heart—meaning he sees the woman he’s on a date with as someone to care for, protect, cherish, adore and love.
If you’re ready to learn more and date from a conscious place, I’d love to have you join the 30-day conscious dating challenge. We start in June. Save your spot here!
And it’s not about being better at dating. It’s about being better at being with yourself—so you stop getting pulled into dynamics that disconnect you from your truth.
For 30 days, I’ll guide you through a simple, grounded reset. Each day, you’ll get a short, powerful email. Some days it’s a prompt. Some days it’s a practice. Some days it’s just a reflection that lands like a gut punch and shifts something you didn’t know needed to move.
You’ll have access to a private portal where it all lives, so you can come back anytime. No pressure to be perfect. No deadline to finish. Just one quiet, consistent space that helps you show up differently—for yourself and for the kind of love you actually want.
This isn’t about games. It’s about truth. The kind that makes you magnetic. The kind that makes you safe in your own skin. The kind that lets you stop auditioning, and start choosing.
You don’t need to change yourself to be chosen. But you might need to change the way you’ve been showing up for you. You ready?
It’s $29.
30 days.
Starts June 1.
Much love and gratitude,
Iryna