What really makes a man a masterful lover
I want to share something with you today, a piece written by one of my teachers, Max Marmer.
What he shares here captures so clearly what I believe truly matters in s/x, and what I guide men to focus on when they work with me.
Because so many men still carry the weight of old insecurities, thinking being a great lover is about what they were born with, rather than what they develop.
I’ve seen over and over again in my work that what creates transcendent, unforgettable intimacy is not size, not tricks, not even what you might think of as “performance.” It is presence. Energy. Attunement. A man’s willingness to develop himself fully (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually) and bring all of that into the bedroom.
Max puts it beautifully, and I think every man should sit with these words:
“C0ck Size Insecurities & Being Great At S/x
Size is such a small portion of what matters.
Certain men may be incompatible with certain women due to how their genitalia are shaped but 95% of the time the misalignment and incompatibility has nothing to due with the physical genitalia. Being a great lover is primarily about mastery over subtle energy. It is a journey of mastery over self and other.
S/x includes and transcends the whole multidimensional nature of soma, psyche, soul and spirit. It is a fractal reflection of a person's physical, emotional, mental and spiritual development.
For a man, the higher developmental path includes these skills:
Physically: ejaculatory control; he should train so his ejaculatory reflex is fully under his conscious control. He should come only when he’s taken her where he wants to take her (want - emerging not from the ego/mind but from deep intuitive gnosis).
Emotionally: he should clear past trauma and connect his heart and cock. His s/x should be full of love.
Mentally: he should be present, not in the past or future.
Spiritually: he should channel his higher self and God/the Divine through his s/x, or the full depth of his spiritual capacity at present.
Relationally, the primary skill is subtle energy attunement.
Generally, a man great in life areas like massage or dance will be a great lover but there can be plenty of blockages and impediments within his physical, emotional, mental, spiritual field that make that not so.
Music shares so much in common with sex. Learning to play both her body and your own body like a musical instrument is where the best (most transcendent, loving, reality shattering) s/x is found.
She doesn’t care about size as much as she cares about where you can take her energetically, within herself and within the realms.
A man with s/xual mastery can give a woman more pleasure, ecstasy and transcendent love filled experiences with his hands and mouth than an ordinary man with a p0rn sized c0ck.
She cares about how you make her feel. Size can help and is generally preferred by women amongst ordinary men because all they have is the physical dimension (they have no subtle energy mastery, presence or love moving their cock).
So size is really the least important factor relative to all the other factors at play in great s/x and a man being a great lover. S/x is about the alchemical dance of the masculine and feminine between them and within each of them.
The physical biology plays a small role in great s/x but mainstream society sure is fantastic at getting both men and women in their head and insecure about their bodies instead of developing self-love, and energetic mastery, power and potency.
Developing s/xual mastery is an essential part of the path of Self-Development and Self-Realization for both man and woman.”
– Max Marmer
This is the work I’ve been doing with men for years. Helping them release shame, learn how to hold their energy, reconnect to their hearts and bodies, and become the kind of lover and partner who doesn’t just “perform,” but creates connection and pleasure that changes everything.
And there is less than a week left to work with me in this way. After August 31, I will no longer be offering this style of coaching as I shift my work into a new chapter.
Until then, you can book 1:1 coaching at my closing rates:
A single 90-minute breakthrough session for $250 (normally $300)
A 3-session series for $750 (normally $1,000)
A 6-month deep dive for $3,000 (normally $4,000)
If you’ve been sitting with this, waiting, wondering, this is the moment to decide. You can book your free 30-min consultation and shop the summer sale below!
With devotion,
Iryna