Where is your attention going?
I was thinking about a time in my life where one of my teachers, OM Rupani, posted about attention being your most valuable currency. After they posted it, I experienced this with my partner in a more distinct way.
As a woman, I will respond to a man who offers me his undivided attention (or PRESENCE, which I've written about in before).
When a man holds his attention on me I feel seen, heard & held and my interest towards this man deepens. He doesn’t even have to say anything. If I feel his attention wavers, he is shifting elsewhere in our conversation, during dinner or intimacy (and during intimacy especially), it will sting in my heart. I will actually have a physical sensation of almost sharpness in my chest when he isn’t there.
My trust fades away, I don’t feel safe & eventually, it will result in me being closed off & resentful.
And it won’t be what he said.
So many men (men I coach) have their attention who knows on what & where - stuck in their heads, thinking of the next best move to make, or future or dwelling in the past.
It’s frustrating. A lot of times, less these days, I would start internalizing & feeling that it might be something going on with me. I feel off & anxious, not fully understanding that this unpleasant feeling in my chest just happened in response to a man who wasn’t there with me.
And so I invite you, gentlemen, to practice your attention. Make a commitment to play with it for one day. Practice it with your kids, with your friends, your co-workers. And notice what happens.
With your woman - take her on a date, and be on your phone, be in your head, think of work, etc. & see how she reacts. And then switch, turn on your attention to 50% on her & 50% - on yourself. Feel your body, slow down everything, slow down your movements, your speech, breath more, maintain eye contact, & watch her. Pause when you talk, genuinely enjoy her, smile, be seductive & playful. Think that there is nowhere you rather be, but with her. And notice the switch in her energy....
I guarantee there will be more aliveness coming your way in response to your attention.
This is just one of the many points that I discuss in my coaching, in my 1:1 coaching as well as my online course, “Presence Over Performance." And this is the last chance you have to grab any of these offerings as my coaching is pivoting this fall. These offerings will no longer be available as of August 31.
Warmly,
Iryna