Why women pick fights over “nothing”
I was talking with a male friend the other day. He said, “I orchestrated the whole experience for our date. Planned and cooked a delicious dinner, bought her really beautiful, expensive gifts, thought through the packaging, the presentation, even the message on the card. Everything was perfect. And then she got pissy about something minor and the whole mood of the evening was spoiled.”
How many times have you found yourself in that situation?
Here is the thing. Most of the time, when a woman blows up about something small, it is not because she is ungrateful or trying to ruin the moment. Yes, we all need to learn how to receive more graciously, and yes, it is important to be present with what we are given instead of always wanting more. But that is not really what is happening in moments like these.
On some level, often unconsciously, we are testing for your truth.
Not the nice guy who tries to smooth everything over because he is afraid to upset us. Not the man who storms off because he cannot handle his own feelings or ours. We want to feel your reaction expressed as your truth.
We want to feel your anger, if that is what is real, spoken and embodied in a steady, grounded way. Without cruelty or name-calling. Without losing yourself. We want to feel your wolf or your lion (or whatever archetype lives in you) and know that you can hold that energy without it spilling into abuse or collapse.
When we do not feel you leading us in the relationship, the date, the dance, the life we are sharing, something in us starts to close. Resentment builds. Desire fades. Niceness does not inspire respect. Compliance does not turn us on.
What does is truth. The man who leads. The man who knows his inner wants, needs, and boundaries and is willing to express them, even at the risk of losing us. That kind of presence is hot. That kind of clarity wakes up our desire for you.
And it is not something you have to become. It is already in you. It is about remembering it and letting yourself lead from there.
This is the work I help men access in my 1:1 coaching. And this summer is the last season to do this work with me before my coaching shifts into a new chapter in the fall.
Through August 31, my private coaching is available at a closing rate:
A single 90-minute breakthrough session for $250 (normally $300)
A 3-session series for $750 (normally $1,000)
A full 6-month deep dive for $3,000 (normally $4,000)
If you know this is the season to access that part of yourself, you can find the details below!
With devotion,
Iryna